So the conversation generally goes a little something like this… “Kara, I know I know my stuff but I don’t believe it. I want that confidence and self-assurance of believing that I know it.” Then I hear the song lyric, “Life is a rollercoaster, we’ve just got to ride it…”
Can I confess? I’m a work in progress. Even I get down on my abilities more than I should. Take for example, I’ve got a couple of speaking engagements at my old Uni, Flinders. Why is it that I’m doubting myself and believing that I’m still that 18 year old undergraduate who failed subjects vs that 30+ year old Masters student who got Distinctions. It’s the same person and I’m much more like my 30 year old self. But no, even I get those self-assurance speed wobbles.
So what is self-assurance? It’s confidence in yourself and your abilities. It’s not arrogance or being stuck up.
And I think it’s these last two things people are really struggling with, self-trust & self-confidence. I know I do.
I think self-assurance, or more the lack of it, is often linked with Imposter Syndrome and waiting to be caught out.
Why is self-assurance important to business owners?
I can’t believe I actually asked that question, but hey I need headings for SEO at least! Anyways, we need it to feel good about ourselves because god knows we’re our own worst enemies but there are some days where we cut ourselves some slack.
We need self-assurance so that we know that at least one person has our back, even if it’s ourselves.
We need self-assurance because business life can be scary.
We need self-assurance because customers can be scary arses.
We need self-assurance because after a while pulling up the big girl panties leaves you with a mega-wedgie and no one wants that.
I needed self-assurance because I was honestly too damn old to rely on anyone else to hold me up and I needed to do it alone. I realized that if I didn’t have my own back, I was in a pretty sad state. Not to mention, sometimes I’m the only person I can trust. (Sad truth, I’m the one that has the best vision for my business)
Why is self-assurance a goal?
When I first meet with a new client we run through what drives their clients, their staff (if they have them), and finally what drives themselves. The very last thing we talk about is their personal goals for themselves – self-assurance is mentioned as a goal, never a need/belief/value.
Can I be honest, I find that pretty sad. It’s sad that having confidence in our abilities & knowledge is a goal to be attained, not something we need. So what is the difference?
Needs are fundamentals to what we have to do and are a basic driver, think along the lines of food/shelter/safety etc. Goals are nice to have and are not necessary.
So many of us see self-assurance and having confidence in our knowledge and ability as a goal and not something we need to have. That means we’re ok with living in a state of not trusting ourselves, self-doubt, and possibly not having our own backs when things get hard. No wonder when things go pear-shaped we can hit rock bottom really hard and we wonder if it’s all worthwhile.
Why do we put believing in ourselves last? Why does it have such a low priority? Why is it not necessary “self-care”? Are we all martyrs?
I’d love to say that I had the perfect cure for self-assurance. To be honest, it looks different for everyone and the path to it is also as differing. But there’s one thing I know for certain…
Self-Assurance is necessary. We are deserving of self-assurance. Self-assurance should not be put off to be achieved “someday when everything else is in order”.
Self-assurance is one of the cornerstones we rely on to achieve the other goals, because if we don’t believe in ourselves and our abilities – how can we expect anyone else to believe in us?