They hate me, they’re going to sack me, they’re ghosting me, but don’t take things personally. Right? The minute someone goes quiet, wants to change something, or perhaps it’s just one of those days you just seem to take it all personally. Like it’s your fault, they hate you, you’ve done something wrong, you name it. Can we chat for a minute about it? Because I’ve recently realised something.
We each get to choose what, if, and to what degree we take things personally.
(Read that last sentence again)
I realised this after a tough couple of days. A client didn’t keep a meeting, another was talking about working with a different coach (on different topics), and my mind defaulted to “they hate me, they’re going to dump me, they aren’t going to pay their bills”. You name it I went there, and fast!
But as I was driving in my car, one of my favourite thinking chairs, I realised that I was listening to an old story I play in my head. It’s one that feeds my Imposter Syndrome and one that I am working on rewriting. The one that started as a child. The one that says that I’m not good enough and not deserving of the attention others give me. And then I realised that I was making it all about me when what my clients were, rightfully, doing was all about them. I was taking it personally.
This is where I could begin to flip the story. I could also take the action that I needed for my business. I asked for the overdue payment, which was promptly paid. Paying a bill isn’t personal, it’s business; so is asking for payment.
I flipped the story on not being good enough by looking at the reviews I’ve had. It’s a good reminder that we do do good work and we are valued.
I also reminded myself, in a rather frank tone, that this was not about me and was never meant to be. That meant that the old story wasn’t needed, necessary, or even valid.
What I did have to take personally was how I reacted and how quickly I bounced back (fast thankfully). While being self-aware and mindful of the stories helps, I have to admit that it doesn’t always make things easier. I still have to do the work.
So please remember, if you see something online, hear something, or if you hear nothing at all and that causes you to take things personally:
-stop and listen to the story you’re telling yourself and consider if this is really about you or are you relying on some old story that’s not even relevant to the situation
– get off self and get on with your business
– you get to decide what, if, and to what degree you take things personally.
Then, you might just surprise yourself with how fast things turn around.
P.S. I’d love to know how you go with these three tips about not taking things personally.
P.P.S. If you need help with flipping your story, please reach out or book a chat with me.