Well hello sucky stuckedness (surely it’s a word)! Oh the life of an entrepreneur (ugh, I need a better term than that or business owner) where you ride the rollercoaster of awesomeness. You know, you’re waiting in line, brewing the idea, you get to the front of the line, strap yourself in, launch yourself forward with a jolt, and off you go bumping and jolting up the hill. There are twists and turns along the way and quite honestly you even feel like you’ve done a big loop, then all of a sudden you go over the edge and plummet downwards. Sometimes you’re left rocking at the bottom, sometimes you bounce back, sometimes you breeze through it, and then there are those times when you have no idea when to go next as you’ve come to a complete stop or dead end and you’re just sitting there, waiting, in silence.
That was me this past month I have been stuck swinging between ‘I rock’ and ‘I suck’. In the main I muddled through sticking one foot in front of the other knowing that if I just kept on keeping on that I would get through the other side. And it worked, sort of. I did get out the other side but I still felt stuck.
I kept on plodding, all the while searching for solutions, desperately seeking my awesomeness. Full moon, I do suck; Equinox, I’m just getting used to changes in my personal life; planets in retrograde, I just need to be gentle on myself. Yes, I do believe in woo woo and I think that’s also something I’m coming to terms with but it doesn’t have much to do with how I feel about my lack of awesomeness. It didn’t explain this deep seated ache that I wasn’t good enough.
You see, people shook me.
I took on a client and while they were great, they weren’t aligned with me. I know. I know. Even I’m learning. They said all the right things, kept telling me that they believed in me. But at the centre, they didn’t believe in themselves enough. And that was my problem, it stirred the feeling of inadequacy that I fight so hard to keep in check.
Failure is familiar
You see, I don’t fear failure, it’s familiar. It’s success and my awesomeness that shocks me. I work hard pushing and striving and achieving and when a client applauds me, I hide. I become bashful. I shy away. I retreat into my comfortable place of suckedness.
But it doesn’t help
So I started searching for solutions. I have such big plans for the future. I mean, I’m headed to Cairns to meet with clients 6 months ahead of schedule. I’m off to the US for a conference, as planned. And my business is paying for every cent of it. No credit card debt or sponsorship or working for others, I am doing it off of my own back. I forgot that these were goals I’d set and achieved but somehow seemed totally inconsequential given how stuck I feel? Then I remembered…
I do rock and I can do this!
So what did I find? I found an interview between Gary Vaynerchuk and Tony Robbins where they both attributed a modicum of their success to the habit of gratitude. Now, I do this with my children, but not with myself. I practice it weekly in my group, but not daily with myself. I want to achieve more but I sit swinging between lack and lustre mindsets. I know that our minds create what we believe (Read More) and so I shall be starting a daily habit of gratitude. I always said that I wasn’t a journal-er. I need to change my mindset. By daily reinforcement of my gratitude and achievements, I WILL retrain my brain to see all the good I do – each and every day.
And I know it works
I kept looking. Sorry Gary & Tony, but you just weren’t enough to get me out of this rut. I even threw myself into work. So much so that I was a whole day ahead of myself. This day, Tuesday 28th March 2017. I rarely write and publish my weekly blog post on a Tuesday. I generally have too much work to do. Something got into me and most of it was done into he wee hours of Sunday morning. So today I was left looking for ways to change my mindset to an abundance one (carrying on from my gratitude video, thanks gents). And I came across a string of TED talks. Now I love TED talks, but none stuck. I watched 5 minutes into a number of them & then I found it… 5 minutes to finding you life’s purpose. Cheesy I know but, I sat through the 10 minutes and I got it…
I will be true
I am going to stay true to my intention and my values. I will not let a lack mentality have me serving a client who does not 100% back me and my beliefs. I deserve more than that and there are more than enough clients out there who align with my vision of leveraging psychology in business.
I’ve got this
I am also trusting my intuition. Those little prickles that race up my neck and down my arms that tells me I’m on track (yes, I have had them writing this). That’s when I know that I am in the zone, I’m aligned, I’m working in my genius – I’ve got this. I will grow and develop this. I will use periods of quiet to tap into it and I will follow this.
I will not settle
I will succeed
People need what I have to offer and deserve me at my best.
And as are you and deserve the same. xx